I clearly remember that day, on how my lips tremble and how I forced to smile like that’s the only way to save myself from everyone’s eyes. That was my first time in my entire life to be treated that way. At first I thought that being a lady will give you some advantage in terms of treatment but it all changed from that moment.
It was a fine day when it all happened. I never expected that something awaits me that day that will make my life change forever. It was written in my journal until now and the marked of my tears are still present. I was just doing my job waiting for my break when I did a mistake that my boss had witness. Without knowing the reason why it happened, he never let me tell anything as his eyes went red and a monster in him came out.
“DON’T SMILE!”
“THIS IS NOT A PLAYGROUND!”
“STOP FOOLING AROUND, YOU’RE NOT A KID!”
Everyone’s eyes were fixated on me, making their way to my bones. I can feel my body warmed up from embarrassment and shock. I can’t find any words to say. All i just hope that time is to vanished from everyone’s presence. He left like there’s no one dying in front of him. Using my last hope to save myself, I forcefully smile to assure everyone that I’m ok.
I tried to continue the rest of the hours smiling even I can feel that I’m slowly losing my mask. My lips tremble as I forced myself not to cry. From the last person who asked me if I’m ok, my knees wobble up and I give in from the emotion I’m prolonging to keep at bay.
I found myself losing to my emotions. I cried not because of embarrassment but because of the panic that had built in. This is the first time I experienced that kind of fear and panic wherein every time I closed my eyes, the memories keeps going back like a song in a replay mode.
Starting that day, I fear his presence. I literally can’t breath and my heart automatically beats faster from the fear that he may do it again. I live for almost a couple of months like a person who cowered in fear while in the edge of breaking down every time he sees me.
Four years had passed but everything feels like it happened recently. The fear is still there but one thing that had changed from that moment is when I become stronger. That kind of fear that I had experienced can’t compare from the anything. I had met a lot of people who have the same attitude like that person, but I never cowered in fear anymore.
That experienced for me is like a blessing in disguise, so that I can ready myself in anything that the world will throw at me. Rather than feeling resentful, I became more grateful that it happened.
I still haven’t met that person again but if it happens, the first thing I’ll tell him is,
“Thank you for that.”
“I’ll surely won’t make it in this world if it’s not because of you.”
“You’re right. I should never act like a kid in this world, wherein you need to protect yourself because nobody will.”
From this thing that I had experienced, I can’t help myself to feel how God is great on letting you realized the things that you need.
“I may learned it in a hard way but it was very worth it in the end.”
