When I was in Highschool, I used to have big group of friends. Since almost all of us are alike, we easily connect with each other. Let’s say, we all have a kid mindset and although there’s some issues, it is not like that deep unlike when I became more mature. During that period, I really had fun with my friends. It was actually the first time when I had so many friends since before, I only have a maximum of four (including my sister) whom I really closed with. As we spend our time together for four years, we went on our separate lives and only few people I’m in contact with. I’m still friends with all of them but the one that I’m really closed with decrease as time goes by. Working overseas also made an impact in my relationship with the others. Since I just visit home once in every two years, I was only able to meet few of them. The only mode of our connection now is through our social media accounts, but not every has the same time to check each other’s out. A lot of us also are busy on our work and our love life so we only communicate once in a while.

My rule in terms of relationship is pretty simple, I just want a genuine and real one.

It’s not like I feel bad about it, because I’m aware of the fact that not all people you met in your journey will stay. We all have different path right now and I respect their own choices in life. I really feel proud of every friend that I came to know, from my home, school and work, everyone I met gave me different lessons in life. At 26, I only have really few friends that I’m in touched with up until this day. I’d seen a lot of them grow and the same goes for me. Although we are not kids any more, our memories still last in my heart which I will forever keep. Right at this moment, I am more focus now on my goals. I realized that at some point of our life, we should learn to be on our own. Although we still have friends to support us, we need to face those challenge on our own. What I keep repeating on myself in these years that I’d been working alone are,

“At this moment, I need to be on my own.”

“Now, I need to be strong enough to handle things alone.”

“Life will be challenging so I need to focus on the positive things from it.”

“In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for constructive use of solitude. One must overcome the fear of being alone.” – Rollo May, ‘Man’s Search for Himself’, 1953.

The journey that I’d been through drives me to be on my own. I learned to accept that I’ll be in this journey all alone now and I need to be very strong in handling things. The time now is very crucial, whatever I do today will surely reflect on my future. The people I met before and whom I have right now are more than enough to continue this journey. With these thought in my mind, I took this path by my own. From an outgoing person, I became an Introvert who choose to focus on her goals and herself. I think that as I started my career, I only allow people to get close with me If I know that I will learn from him/her. I define friendship in a way that he/she should have a genuine relationship with me, wherein there’s no jealousy, insecurity or any hidden motives against me. I’d met few of them before and I don’t want to be in that same situation again.

“A good rule of thumb is that any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment.” -Laurie Helgoe, ‘Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength’, 2008

From the changes that took place in my life, some people misunderstood the way I act. I heard a lot of words like snob, snappy and very hard to approach. Despite of that, I don’t feel bad about it anymore unlike before. I was able to overcome that period when I usually fight back and correct everything that seems wrong. I realized that no matter what I do, people will always say something. It’s their own opinion and I can’t change anything about it. Not that I don’t want to, but I think it’s a waste of time fixing thing that I’m not in control. So, rather than focusing on that, I will just settle on doing things which is very productive for me. Now, there are things that I just want to share based on what I experienced. Below are my thoughts about the common misunderstanding from an Introvert like me:

Trust us once we say “few is more than enough”.

Working overseas, I only have two close friends that I’m really hanging out with right at this moment. One is actually my cousin and we usually meet every other month and the other one is my colleague that I mostly talk to because we both aim for growth and self-love. Other than my partner, these two people are the ones who is close in my heart right now. The rest of the people I know are my colleagues but I’m not really that closed enough to hang out with them. Even though I only have few friends right now, I feel ok with it and I think it’s more than enough for me. The quality of our conversation makes me so into to them because we only talk about good things and great ideas about our future. Talking with them feels like they’re my real sister because this is how we talked to each other. A lot of people around me tells that I’m a loner. But little did they know is that I only enjoy few people with me.

For me, the most important aspect of having good relationship is the quality of conversation. So, the moment I talk to a person, I’m already assessing his/her attitude and body language. If that conversation starts with a negative note, I will slowly distance myself to that person in order to have a boundary. I believe in the saying that if you want to know that person, check his/her group of friends and you’ll have an insight. The environment that we are in plays a big role in our life. We can easily be influenced by the people that we usually hang out with, that’s why I’m very cautious in selecting my friends. “Quality over Quantity”. I would rather be in a small group of people rather than a big one where there’s toxicity. I’d been there before and all I was left with is negative things & habits. I’m not stating that big groups are not genuine one but it is very rare to gain a lot of friends that you can considered true. I know we all have insecurities, immaturities and jealousy that lies within us. We all goes on that period but not everyone learned from it. Rather than a learning process, some see it as their way of life which in the end drove them to have those negative habits.

To define friendship, I only have few things to consider which are the following:

• A true friend will always want what’s best for you.
• A true friend will never belittle and insult you.
• A true friend will never influence you to do wrong.
• A true friend will help you to reach your goals rather than hold you back.
• A true friend is willing to listen and tell his/her opinion after assessing the situation, and he/she should not be selfish and be bias about it.
• A true friend will never initiative negative conversation.
• A true friend will respect your boundaries, limitations and privacy.
• A true friend will stay with you through ups and downs.
• A true friend will never change the way he/she will treat you no matter time and place may separate you.
• A true friend will be genuinely happy for your success and will not feel jealous of it.

So, for the rest who thinks that we are lonely, you think wrong. We wanted to keep the people who will treasure us as well. If we talk about reality and life, at the end of the day, we are the only who’s responsible to ourselves. The people who backed us up on our journey will eventually find their own path. So rather than validating your existence according to how many friends you have, just choose for memorable memories, experience and learnings in your life.

One of the common connotations for a person who don’t have much friends is that, they’re missing a part of their life. They consider us living in a boring life that lacks enjoyment and adventures. They derive on that conclusion for the reason that they compare it on how they enjoy their life. For introvert like us, we also enjoy things even without a presence of people, but the catch is, it is way different from how they define it. During those period that we are alone, it doesn’t mean that we are really doing nothing. We actually do a lot of things when we are alone because we think, that’s the only time we can do something for ourselves. Although introverts like me differs on how we spend it, we experience the same feeling of joy which cannot be simply explain. To give you an idea on how I spend my time alone, here below are my routine for this month of June 2022.

As you can see, it is jampacked with a lot of activities entirely for myself. From doing a workout routine, praying the Holy Rosary, taking training online any many more other things that makes up my day. Just by looking at this illustration you can see that it can’t be defined as a boring life. This is how I spend my days alone and I’m pretty sure that people who’s considered introvert also do the same. There’s no such thing as boring for us, as long as we enjoy doing it. These small activities means a lot for us rather than to spend it on things that will just drain us

“People empty me. I have to get away to refill.” – C. Bukowski, ‘The Captain is Out to Lunch and the Sailors Have Taken Over the Ship’, 1998.

Like what’s stated previously, introverts focus on quality over quantity. They avoid people that they know will not be any good influence to them. Time is a big factor why they avoid activities that won’t help them in any way. They have this mindset that there’s more productive things that they must do other than dealing with negative people. We were only given 24 hours in a day so for us, we wanted to spend every single minute of the day efficiently and productively. Just to confirm, we don’t avoid people at instant. It actually the last choice after giving repeated chances for that person. For me, I’m very attracted to the people with the same qualities like mine. I find it very good talking about topics that we are both interested with and the same time I can find great ideas. In my 26 years of living, I can tell that it is very rare to find those type of people with the same kind of mindset. That’s the reason as well why I have less considered friends than the others. To give you an idea, here are some characters that I consider as the best qualities to befriend with:

• If that person starts his/her day positively.
• A good listener.
• People who don’t complain every single thing happened in their life.
• People who love to talks about growth, finances and his/her own goal.
• People who spend their day productively.
• People who can balance their life very well.
• People who know how to set goals.
• People who love learn new things.
• People who engage only in positive self-talk.

Although we all have different preferences, having the best friends that will help your growth are still the best one to consider. As long as you’re surrounded by a good environment, there’s a high chance for your improvement. THAT’S A FACT. So, if I were you, don’t invest your time on people that will just make you feel bad. Look for someone with the same mindset or even better and I’m pretty sure that you’ll be very much benefited from them. Not only you can develop yourself, you can also influence people to do the same.

Right environment + Right Mindset = Happy Life!

We are not snob like everybody thinks.

Talk to us and we can also be very friendly. Especially if you start the conversation on a positive topic, we will surely be delighted to share a lot of good ideas and suggestions with you. We can be your colleague, peers, roommates and there will be no issue on that. As long as we have some alone time for ourselves, everything will be perfect. We are also a good listener but just be careful on things that you will share or else we will end up avoiding you. The quality of the conversation is the key factor for us to engage on it. The moment the conversation caught our interest, we will surely engage on it. For some introvert, they really prefer being quiet. Oftentimes we can see them pretty occupied by their own selves but it doesn’t mean they don’t want to engage on other people. Let’s just say, they prefer conversation that they’re really interest with.

Some may tell them that they’re snob and hostile, but in reality, they prefer it that way but not really meant to be judge like that. For me, the best way to handle introvert people is to reach out. Rather than doing the same thing and misjudging someone, it is way better to know that person first. They usually misunderstood and the sad thing is that they don’t have any chance to correct it. So, rather than focusing on the negative things, be the one to take the initiative to know that person. It’s not their fault they became reserved to begin with. The experiences happened in their life greatly affects the way they act so a little bit of understanding is the best way to handle it.

There are ways for you to initiate conversation. The things below are the ones that can help you if you have someone that you wanted to talk to but he/she is very hard to reach out:

• Say Hi/Hello first.
• Try to open up healthy conversation.
• Make sure that he/she is really available to talk to at the moment.
• Be proactive of things that he/she needs.
• Talk to him/her privately first.
• Respect his/her privacy. Don’t ask question that is too personal.
• Let them open up to you, don’t force them to tell everything.
• Learn to understand their preferences and don’t expect they will respond the same way like your other friends.

To summarized everything, introvert people can also be your friend. The moment that you’ll understand their behavior can bridge the gap to your differences.

It’s not that we don’t care. Let’s just say that we focus on what matters.

Introverts commonly known for their reserve characteristics. Even without having people around them, they can still have fun all by themselves. On my personal experience, the moment that a situation will affect me negatively, I will avoid it as much as I can. I usually divert my attention on other activities such as home workout, journal or watching a movie. People oftentimes gets influenced easily by any situation arises in their life and for me to protect myself, I will choose not to get involve. I believe that people around us is one of the key factors on how we were able to develop ourselves as an introvert. In my case, working overseas gave me a lot of experiences that made me decide to be on my own.

The reality is, we can only trust our own self. Time will come, we can’t reach out for help to any people we know. We need to learn to stand on our own and settle all the challenges present in our life. From this situation, it is very important to invest on ourselves and continue to develop what’s within. For me, having an alone time is a way of taking good care of our self. During that period, we are given chance to do something productive on our own. In my case, I allotted those hours to develop myself and to learn new things. If I were to choose a toxic conversation over a 30 minutes workout, I will instantly choose the latter one.

 In achieving inner peace, there’s a lot of activities you can do. It’s your choice if you want to do it alone or together with your friends. Those activities are the following:

• Spending time with nature
• Watch a comedy movie which will make you laugh a lot
• Meditation
• Stay away from social media
• Yoga
• Practice Self-Love
• Start a journal
• Always remind yourself to live in the present
• Avoid negative self-talk
• Avoid pressuring yourself.

As far as everyone knows, not all introvert is quiet. Maybe for the first impression, you can simply tell it because of their reserve personalities. The best way to clarify this common misunderstanding is to talk to them. There’s a lot of considered introverts who are talkative with the people that they only close with. If you are still in the getting to know stage, it will take time for that person to open up things about him/her simply because they can’t still trust you. For everyone to be accustomed into someone else attitude, it will surely take time. Even if that person is not an introvert, we all have this stage where we adapt on each other’s attitude. Not all people can jive instantly. It will still require some time for a bond to become strong.

For an introvert perspective, we wanted to say a lot of things but it usually just stays on our mind. In my case, I’m writing it on my journal if ever I can’t say things out loud. Some just choose not to say anything fearing that they may misunderstood. The listener also play a factor on that. If we sense that he/she is not willing to listen, then probably we will just choose to remain quiet. The moment that we know that person is the best to open up with, we will surely tell a lot of things which can be seen us as a talkative person. This is also not about being shy to share things but it is just we are very careful on every single thing that we’ll say.

If you sense that a certain person in introvert just because she’s not talking to anybody, it doesn’t mean that that person is rude. Their reserve personality can be seen as their way to express their feelings. If some people you know literally show how happy they are, introvert have a different way to express it.

We don’t hate people; we just avoid needless conversation.

Judgements is very common nowadays. Every single day, we can hear people talking about others. If it’s positive, there will no be issue. But if it’s negative, then that will be a red flag for anyone. For an introvert who commonly misjudge by everyone, this blog is the best way to simply tell things on their perspective.

To summarized everything, Introvert people are not shy, rude, snob or have low self-esteem. Although not all of them can be categorized as the same, I believed that these negative notion about them are far from what truly is.

The best thing for everyone to do is to not let negativity foster. The respect for everyone should be there. The differences between all of us shouldn’t be seen as a negative aspect but see it as a way to know that person first.